mew_vanilla

06:59 pm: Stop It!
I only have one thing to say, and this website says it perfectly.

http://wawawawaaaaaaaahoooooorrrrrn.ytmnd.com/

Thank you website.

04:19 pm: Busy, Busy, Busy~
So, my surgery hasn't really worked. I still feel like crap most of the time. That's just peachy, isn't it? I'm now being sent to a throat specialist and to do a pulminary functions test to measure my lung capacity (or something like that). Other then that, my life has basically carried on in basically the same manner as always. I'm still kept extremely busy with various projects and, yes, I still enjoy doing things like that. Actually, now that I think about it, I've had alot of new projects thrown at me recently, not that I mind at all. For example, a few weeks ago my music teacher asked if there was anyone in the class who would be willing to learn a tuba part in 30 days for commencement (aparently Oh Canada and other songs just need a tuba to sound right). So, naturally, I volunteered. In the end me and another girl named Shelby were picked to play the two tuba parts. It's really really fun playing the tuba! I love it! It's just an instrument that just feels almost ridiculous to play. I don't know why... but it really does. Then two weeks later we found out that we would be starting our secondary instruments, or in my case, what I call my thirdendary instrument. I picked out the flute because I figured that it would be relatively easy to take home with me, since the case is so tiny. So as of right now I am playing the following instruments: Trombone, tuba, flute, guitar and violin. Yes, I am also taking violin lessons. Since my voice has been temporarily (at least I hope its only temporary!!) disabled by my head/nose/throat/whatever problem, so until it's fixed I'm going to be playing my violin. Another one of my projects is that this week I'm starting to volunteer up at the Foodbank. I figure that anyway I can help my community I'll do. I'm also helping set up a church website for the music commitee, which I am a member of. I've also started soccer again, have joined the choir club at school and later today I will be helping out with the grade 7/8 concert band (even though I'm pretty sure it has around 5 members at the moment...). Me and a few of my other friends are also in the middle of making a monument for all the soldiers who went off to war and who would attended our high school. So, yes, I am very busy. But I am having lots of fun doing it all. Personally, keeping busy is the best way to keep your mind away from unpleasent thoughts and negative things. So until things perk up, I'm just going to keep busy. I figure that that's the only way to go at this point.

10:49 am: 2 Hours And Counting
So here we go. Two hours and counting until my turbinate reduction. Honestly I think that my friends are more scared then I am for this. That kind of makes me laugh a bit. At least I know that they care, right? Anyways, I'm not worried at all. I've been waiting so long for someone to do something that I really couldn't care less what they do to me. Hell they could decapitate me and remove all the polyps and problem areas like that and I really wouldn't complain. It's funny because a long time ago, when I was little Shawn used to tell me that that's exactly what they had to do to take out your tonsils. And I, as a stupid little kid, believed every word of this and thus was scared of doctors for years after. Now I'm actually giving them premission to do that. I guess things really do come back again again. Anyways I'm going to end my entry here. I've been writing all of this using my iPod touch, which is aparently much harder then it looks to do. So wish me luck! Hopefully in two hours I'll be on my first steps to being able to sing and speak and run without sinus pain!

09:32 pm: Thunder Bolts of Lightning (very very frightning)

What a strange couple of days its been. A few weeks ago me and my
Mom(si) were driving to Barrie and we drove by this big place with a fence that said "No tresspassing". I was curious what this was so I asked. My Mom(si) said that it was Camp Borden, a military community that doesn't allow people, who aren't somehow doing something involved with the military, to enter. I really wanted to learn more about it so I asked if there was any way for me to get in the community. She told or more like reminded me that my cousin Nick was at a cadet summer camp in there and came home for weekends. She explained that if I wanted I could probably ask if I could tag along with his family (also my cousins) to drop him off at the start of the week. So I asked and Pam, Nick's Mom, was happy to take me with them!
So last Sunday I got the opportunity to get into Camp Borden. I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't impressed. It was definatley a very cool and interesting place. I loved how almost everyplace there had a specific military purpose. There were special courses, grenade sites (Nick told me that they didn't use real grenades though... of course I should have known that, haha), shooting ranges and tons of other places too. It really is like a mini town in there! And of course, every Canadian town isn't complete without it's own Tim Hortons, which Camp Borden had. The actual cadet camp itself was pretty neat also. There were at least a hundred tents and probably more. Nick told me that cadets come from all across Canada to come to this camp. I never realized that such an important place is so close by! The camp also had lots of instruments, which of course interested me alot. Aparently they have to play them while standing and marching in syncronization with everyone else. It sounded really hard to me. I don't know if I could get the hang of doing that while playing the trombone. Anyways, once we got to Nick's barracks I wished him luck for the last week of camp and then set back to the car with his Mom, Dad and little sister to head back home.
We got a bit of a surprise though. I didn't notice before hand that dark clouds were moving in. Let's just say that once the downpour started along with the thunder and lightning, I noticed. We planned to just drive back out of Camp Borden but after only a few minutes of driving the wind had picked up so much that big branches were starting to break off the trees. The lightning had also gotten pretty bad, there were tons of bright flashes in the sky every second. So we pulled over in an apartment building parking lot. That was when the weather got worse. The wind at this point was so strong that it started rocking the car to one side and the rain got so heavy and intense that it sounded like someone was dropping weights on the roof. Pam just kept on saying how she had never seen lightning like this before and that she was worried about Nick in those tents. None of this bothered me too much until lightning started hitting close to the car, close being a few meters away. I could see it and man, I could hear it too! After that first loud crack my ears started ringing and stinging like mad. At one point I shut my eyes to think what I should do and it was like someone was shining a bright light at me, with no pauses in between. That is how bad the lightning was. After about 30 minutes the sky looked like it was brightning a little bit, so we headed back to the cadet camp to make sure that Nick was alright. We weren't allowed to go back in there but Pam called the camp and they stated very clearly that "everyone was safe and accounted for".
We really hit the gas to get out of there after we got that news. At that point the roads were pretty unsafe because huge branches and trees were scattered across them. I even saw a few big trees that were completely uprooted! Lightning continued to dance across the sky every second and thunder rumbled a heavy beat as we raced out of the town. On the way out I looked up at the sky to see that the clouds were a nasty green color.
We managed to get back safely but Pam swears that their car got hit by lightning at least once and I seriously would not be surprised. I have never seen lightning hit so close that if I took 4 or 5 steps that I'd get struck by it. After I had been dropped off back at home and was in bed I realized that green skys normally mean one thing; tornado. I recently heard the news and they interviewed someone from Camp Borden who said that same thing as I did. Strong wind, downpour, lightning everywhere and a green sky. Sure enough, after the interview it stated that Enviornment Canada is investigating whether or not a tornado really did rip through Borden. Aparently there were a few funnel clouds spotted in the skies there, so it's just a matter of determining whether or not one touched down. Now that it's all done and over with, I hope that it really was a tornado. That way I can say that I was in one and I survived!
Anyways, today I went to go and see my Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. Last time I was there he took me off dairy and started me on the netti pot. Well surprise, surprise, it didn't do anything. My sinuses are still swollen and red, maybe even a little more then last time. So I assumed that the next month was going to be the next step, antibiotics and steroids. Aparently though, after going through my charts he said that I had already been placed on antibiotics and steroids and, considering that I still have this problem, it obviously did nothing. So he gave me two options. The first was a precedure called a Turbinate Reduction and the other was the surgury where they open everything up but could damage my eyes. So as of now I am getting a Turbinate Reduction on September 4th. Basically he is sticking a wire into my nose and burning my swollen turbinates so tha they'll shrink and hopefully help my problem go away. I'll have to get an IV and I'll be unconcious for a few hours but other then that it should be fine. Even with this surgery though, my doctor did say that my problem may not go away and even if it does then it could come back, because of my terrible sinuses. I figure that if it means that I'll be able to play soccer without choking or sing again or even play my trombone without getting a sinus headache then it'll be worth it. At this point I really couldn't care less if they screwed my head off and emptied it into a paper shredder, I am just so tired of feeling sick all the time.

Now on a more entertaining note, this is makes me giggle:

10:19 pm: If You Liked It Then You Should Have Put A Ring On It
Okay so this is the video that I made for my friend Alissa's birthday. It's pretty legendary and beats Beyonce's hands down.

</div>

07:50 pm: Why Can't Work Be Like This?

Oh wow, this just made my entire day. I was searching for a music video when I found this. It is made of pure win:

 

12:04 am: Stupid Sinuses

I'm not going to lie, so far this summer hasn't been the best. Infact it's been pretty bad as far as I'm concerned. On the 2nd of July I went down to see a specialist about my sinuses (because I kept getting larengitus so often my doctor sent me for CT Scans and also gave me a referal to see this guy). I got some pretty bad news at that appointment which has put kind of a damper on summer, to say the least. He told me that I have the worst sinuses that he's seen in a long time and that someone in their 60's normally have better sinuses then me. He told me that I have huge polyps with more forming and that these are causing alot of inflamation. So basically he gave the a run down of what he can suggest to make this big problem better.

Step 1) Cut dairy out of my diet completely (aparently it helps every one out of three people) and start using a Neti Pot.
Failing that, Step 2) Go on extremely strong steroids and antibiotics.
And if that fails also then, Step 3) Surgery

He specifically told me not to get hyped up about the surgery, thinking that it will be the answer for me. It doesn't always work. There is about a 60% chance that everything will go right back to the way it was a few months after the surgery. Also there can be complications with doing the operation. The sinus walls are aparently fairly thin and it is possible that when they are trying to cut things away from it that they could accidently break through the wall and damage one of my eyes. Perfect, that's just what I need. More issues to deal with. Well, for now I'm on Step 1 and you can imagine how hard my eating has been since I had to cutt all the dairy out. So far it hasn't made any difference, if anything doing this has made things worse and not just for my eating. For example last Sunday I was out with one of my soccer trainers Chris and a couple other boys who managed to come out. I normally adore training and never want it to end but this time was so much different. My balance completely shifted and one side of my head felt heavier then the other, which made shooting a soccer ball VERY difficult. I also dealt with this beast of a headache/sinusache that was enough to make me scream. It must have been obvious that something was wrong since I teetered over onto the ground at least three times. On the way home my head/sinus aches escalated to the point where I thought my skull was going to rip open. I dug my head into the seat, put pressure on my face and just screamed as loud as I could. Eventually it calmed back down and faded back into the annoying feeling of heaviness that I've had for about 2 years now. The rest of that day I just felt lousy so I did my best to try and enjoy something but for the most part I just wandered around the house applying pressure to my head when I needed it. The next day I was excited to hear that Chris said that he could do another training session but when I told my Mom she looked at my sypathetically and told me that she wouldn't take me because of what had happened yesterday when I did it. So I had to call and turn down the offer that I so desperatley wanted to take. Soccer is a huge part of my life. It's my passion, my ultimate love and is very important to me. So turning it down literally felt like taking a knife and cutting my arm off, or something to that effect. For me soccer is like the ultimate drug, other then the fact that it's not bad for you. It makes me feel good, it takes the edge away from things and it makes me feel invincible. Feeling this way is extremely addictive so any chance that I have to experiance it, I take. So turning down soccer was a huge blow that cut deep. Not only has this stupid sinus problem inturupted on my soccer but its also made me unable to sing at all, something else I adore. My parents have tried to help and ease my frusteration of having to give up things that I love (until this problem gets better) by renting me a violin for the month. I got it two days ago with my Mom and having it has given me something to do that the overall health of my head can't effect. Playing is actually alot easier then what I thought it would be. As soon as I took it out of its case I was able to play basic notes. In the approximent 2 hours that I had it out and was messing around with it I had taught myself to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I loved seeing my parents' and Michael Lucci's (he was over at my house at the time) faces when I came upstairs and showed them what I had learned. It made me laugh. My Mom laughed and said that since I had learned how to play a song that we could take it back now. Of course I rejected the idea and went back to the basement to practice. Having a violin is lots of fun! I've always adored the sound of it so the fact that I'm starting to play it just makes me excited! I'd love to get my own someday and really learn how to make it sing like the musicians I've listened to. I have a lesson schedualed with someone who is going to teach me somethings so maybe oneday it'll be possible. Even though I have this to keep me busy I still do hope that this problem I have with my sinuses will get fixed. Whenever they do get fixed the first thing I'm going to do is call Chris, get a training session and go through the whole thing singing at the top of my lungs. Yes, that sounds good.

02:45 pm: King of Pop -We'll Miss You
Michael Jackson... what can I say? He may have been odd at times but I loved the man. He was an artist and an amazing one at that. I think that his work had single handedly influenced more people then almost anyone elses ever.  So Mr. Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, we'll miss you. Though you may be gone I assure you that you will not be forgotten, ever.

09:09 pm: Soar
</div>So on Wednesday I went with the band to perform in Wonderland. It was lots of fun! We played Seven Years in Tibet, The Last Battle and Zoot Suit Riot in this big, white tent that literally looked like a giant building. The man who judged us at first intimidated me a bit. He looked very serious and was wearing a very formal looking suit. After we played for him though and he came up to the microphone to review our performance I knew that my first impressions were wrong. He was actually really nice and hummed for us a part of what we played. That made me burst our into laughter... I'm not going to lie about that.
Anyways after we performed we got to spend the rest of the day in Wonderland just hanging out and going on the rides. The best part was that there were almost no line ups! (Well except for the bat when it broke down)
So me and a few of my friends had talked earlier in the week about going on the Xtreme Skyflyer but we didn't think that it would be easy to get in the lineup. (someone said that you normally have to book a time for it) Lucky for us though, with the park being so empty, we got to go on it!
It was SO much fun! My friends who went with me said that they were scared at first but I didn't even feel any kind of fear whatsoever! It felt so cool, like I was flying, just soaring! It was one of the BEST feelings ever!
The video above is one that I got one of my friends to film while we were doing it all. I'm the one on the left with her hair up and who pulled the cord at the top. I'm hoping to get a copy of the official DVD recording of us doing this but until then this version will have to do as proof.

05:09 pm:

Gosh it’s been a long day, but also a good one. I guess you could call this my weekend of soccer since basically my schedule is just filled up with soccer related commitments. Luckily today, Saturday, was the busiest day and as of now I'm done with everything that I was obligated to do. This morning I had a quick team practice with my Under 6 team that I'm coaching. Actually I guess "practice" isn't really the right word since all I did was hand out uniforms, meet the kids and play a few games with them. I tell you, London Bridge is one hard core game. Anyways after that I had to run out to my own soccer game, my first one of the season! It was awesome, especially after I got switched from defense (which I admittedly was a little bored with) to midfield! Oh wow, was my adrenaline ever going! There was this one really tall kid on the other team and he seemed to be kind of smug like, "Hey! I'm a gazillion times taller then you so therefore I AM LEGENDARY!" Well after I started playing midfield I, unfortunately for him, crushed his legendary-ness. Aww, poor tall man. Well to say the least he seemed pretty infuriated when I took the ball from him for the third time, but oh well, I enjoyed his anger far too much for my own good. Continuing on with my soccer weekend, tomorrow I'm going to my favorite place ever: My soccer camp! I'm so happy that it’s still going; it is definitely my home away from home. Well, after my busy weekend I have a very busy week with something happening almost every day of the week. Oh well, things need to be busy for me, especially during this ridiculously hard time of the year.

05:57 pm: Time To Be Selfish
Oh wow, what a week. Literally, I don't think that I managed to get more then 4 hours of sleep every night this week. Absolutely everything under the sun that could ever possibly be due has been due this week. So every night this week I've been working my ass off trying to catch up on everything. Then the highschool band is performing in a festival soon, so band has lasted a bit longer then usual on the nights that it happens, so needless to say it has made me more exhausted then usual. Working like this, 24/7, has been a major pain especially since I've only managed to finish one of the five things that I have yet to hand in (and are now overdue). Its ridiculously stressful! The worst part about all of this is that after I've stopped working for the night I STILL can't sleep! To say the least, staying awake all night long doesn't help me deal with everything else. Its hard because people keep handing over things for me to do and they think that I'll be able to do it all. Now normally I wouldn't mind doing this but right now its just impossible. I hate it when people bother me about these things.
"Sarah, sure I have 3 other people in our group that I could go to, but your the most creative!"
"Hey Sarah, I know I'm supposed to do this but really, can you do it for me?"
"Hey there Sarah, be a pal and let me waste your time, that you could be spending finishing up the things that you need to get done, wandering around the school talking about this project that at this point you really couldn't care less about!"
God, its been the most annoying week ever. I haven't even had any energy left to talk on the phone. On Monday I'm going to go straight up to everyone and say that I have too much on my plate right now and that I can't handle anything else. Right now though, I'm just going to try to get some sleep tonight before soccer. Maybe by Monday I'll be feeling better so that I can help people out. If not, then I'll just have to find my priorities and say "sayonara" to the rest. Times like this I think I'm going to have to be selfish and help myself before I help everyone else.

05:48 pm: It's the Next Level!

Wow... I really need to change the date in that camera. Aparently according to this camera it is January 14th 2005. Whoops! Anyways I just took some pictures to proove that my package really did come in the mail. It actually just arrived this Tuesday along with a special gift that I won, special gift E, a large promotional poster. It was just too big for me to manage to take a picture of, after all I only have two hands. Anyways this album is amazing! I've listened to it all the way through and there isn't one song that I don't absolutely love! The music videos are all fantastic also! (Now that I've taken a course on filming and shooting videos in the entertainment industry for a couple of weeks I can really appreciate some of the shots in the music videos that I never would have though of before. It's crazy how now everything I watch has been influenced by this course. Then again it is kind of cool, the only bad thing is that it's ruined me for alot of special effects in movies and shows.) Its a great buy and is worth every penny! Now I'm off to get ready to go sell "baked good" at the theatre during intermission.

02:06 pm: All Out
What a long week this has been! Its been a very sucessful week but so long and so tiring. Me and a couple of my friends are trying to get a memorial plaque of some type put up inside the school to honor the young soldiers who went to our school. I recently joined this project and I took some time out of my Friday morning to go and meet with the town mayor at the request of my teacher. I figured that since all of my other friends involved in this all live out in the country that it would be easier if I did it. So after a long explanation where I did my best to describe what was going on and why I was meeting with him, I somehow managed to make myself more confused then I was when I first went in there. All in all though, I think that it worked out alright. We now have the towns attention, which is I think what was the point. Yesterday I signed up for my summer soccer and that should be pretty great. I'll be playing in the same league as last year so I can bet that it'll be a good time! After that me and my parents went downtown Toronto to see the play Dirty Dancing which was absolutely amazing! We were in the orchestra section, row C and I was in seat 29. I adored this play to pieces, it was just so much fun! Both Ashley Leggat, who played Baby, and Johnny Wright, who played Johnny (which is very appropriate), were fantastic! It was such a blast that I really would like to see it again! Today, so far, has been pretty great too. At soccer I did keep ups with my tiny soccer ball, which my coach said would be the next step in perfecting my keep up skills, and I did really good! I guess trying to practise doing it inside a tiny basement isn't the best and the soccer shoes really do make all the difference in the world. During the game time I actually scored 3 goals and did a move without even thinking about it! I spun the ball past two of my opponets! It felt amazing! I also got the ball past B.J when he was trying to sique me out with his own moves and scored! Nobody, I mean nobody, gets the ball past him! It was amazing! I missed soccer so much during the two weeks that it didn't go. But now that its back I'm so happy and I'm going to go all out too!

12:25 pm: Noises
Wow, such a busy week. No sleep, no rest, constant work getting from place to place, new songs coming to me late at night and then one devastating blow near the end of the week. But I'll get to that last point later, first I'd like to focus on the good things that happened. I managed to make it to almost all of my classes this week and that was a huge effort on my part since I was so exhausted. I don't know why but I've just been tossing and turning all week whenever I try to fall asleep. I'm always extremely tired during the day but once night comes around and I get into bed it switches and turns from exhaustion into energy. Its very frusterating, to say the least. Then every night I had songs popping into my head, left, right and center. Lyrics here, tunes there, some rhythms, some beats, some just plain wierd. Let me say this, you know that something is wrong with you when all of a sudden you start writing a gospel song (which you've only heard a grand total of two from Walk The Line), with piano melodys that you were only able to dream of playing before. Well lets just say that my piano fingers have developed a fair bit after that creation came to me. Anyways, I'm very proud that I only missed a few classes and that I was able to catch up with all of the things covered later. With it being the start of a new semester I can't afford to miss very much since everything is information that I'll need later if I ever wish to pass. They aren't bad classes though, all my teachers are really great and there all men too (sometimes my luck just pulls through that way, its either all men or all women teachers)! I have grade 11 Media Tech., History with the man of history himself (the 'O man') and then Science. Not bad classes at all, its just hard to go when your wanting to fall asleep all the time (and when you keep getting the living crap scared out of you in history when the radiator gets kicked every other second and your not expecting it, hahaha!) Anyways like I said, this week was busy, but there was one thing that happened that almost made me sick to my stomach, it was that bad. Well I guess 'bad' isn't the right word for it but I can't think of any other way to describe it, so 'bad' will have to do for the time being. For some reason I got a strange urge to go into Shawns bedroom. Nobody goes in that room, its closed off from the rest of the house and is the very same as it was when he left. So I was a bit confused when I saw a small orange package on sitting on his desk when I went in. Curiousity got the best of me, so I picked it up and shook it, not wanting to open it right away. A rattling, clinking noise came from inside it, like a chain. That was when my eyes caught sight of the mailing address and the return address. It was to Doneys Funeral Home and it was from Switzerland. I shook it again and held it up to my ear, it was less then 10 seconds before I realized what it was that I was hearing. A chain, the chain he wore all the time, the one that I had attatched a Jack Skeleton charm on a long, long time ago. Literally I thought that my stomach was going to come out of me the way it heaved. The package was filled with what they found on him, his mp3 player, his jewlery, probably his camera. I dropped the package back on his desk and left. It took me over an hour to calm down and stop my stomach from trying to jump out. I can't believe I wanted to open that... what would I have done if I had opened it up and found everything in there? Honestly, thats a question that I don't want to know the answer to. Thinking about it ties my insides in knots but I need to write it down somewhere so that this feeling won't tear me apart from the inside out. That much is important. I swear though, that rattling noise will be the thing that keeps me awake at night for a while, not wanting to fall asleep and see the source of it in my dreams. So many noises this week, all of them keeping me awake.

06:25 pm: Decisions
Well exams are finally over, I'm not sure if I passed all of my classes (especially math) but at least there all done. For getting through the first semester my Mom, Dad and older sister Jamie all went to Toronto to see the musical We Will Rock You! It was the first time seeing it for all of them and the second time for me. And even though months have passed since I last saw it on a field trip with my music class nothing much had changed, including the huge amount that I loved it! I swear it is just one of the most entertaining shows ever to watch, especially with all of the great one liners. I had that same feeling that I got when I went the first time, during one of the songs so I just did my best to ignore it. Regardeless it was a great way to celebrate getting through the first semester, now if only I can get through the second one. Its going to be hard, I have History, Science (ugh...) and some other unknown class at this moment. See I was signed up to take grade 10 Art but my guidence councler doesn't think that it would  be a good class for me to take since last years Art class was overloaded with work and stressed me out to the max. So they gave me a choice of either taking the Art or taking the grace 11 Media course (just because it would be better for someone at my level... or at least thats what I was told). The problem with this is that I'm still not sure! I love art but the stress from last year kind of took away from that love and just made it a pain. But still I'm wondering if this class would be better, different class, different teacher, different material. As for Media though I'm just worried that with all of my absenses from class (due to health) will majorly take a toll in that class because I'm pretty sure that participation is a big factor in the final mark. Its a big choice and I'm just not sure. Well, hopefully it will work out for the best and I'll be able to make a good choice. For now I'm just going to have fun singing along to the Queen music thats still stuck in my head from Saturdays show.

08:06 pm: This Week < Friday
Christmas was damn near impossible. My parents refused to let me put my presents away and let me open them whenever I feel ready to. Instead they said that they would open them for me, but I had to watch them do it. I knew completly that they meant well, and just wanted me to get some enjoyment out of the presents I had got but I'm afraid that my gratitude fell short of the excitement line. The feeling I got while all of this was happening I could only describe as a ripping sensation throughout my entire body. And after a certain point that feeling disappeared all together also. Everything was just numb. All I managed to do that whole day was lie on my bed and feel 100% dead on the inside. That feeling lasted for a long time even after Christmas was over and it still slips back every now and then... especially ever since I got the bad news. Well I guess that "bad news" isn't exactly the way to put it. It's actually great news for this particullar person, and I feel unreasonably selfish to be sad about it. Someone who has been helping me out alot through grade 9 and 10 (so far) has been offered another job closer to home and she has accepted it. And of course that means that she's leaving and I won't be able to see her anymore. I'm definatly happy for her, it will be much easier to get to work and much less stressful then driving a huge distance everyday. But still apart of me is devastated and feels like I'm loosing someone else I care about. I know its odd but she has become a friend to me and it really hurts thinking that I'll never see her again. But like I said, I'm happy for her and I know it's unfair to be thinking of how much I'll miss her. So when it comes to her last day I'm just going to have to put on a smile, tell her that she'll be missed and wish her good luck. Of course that might be easier said then done. On top of this news I've had this increasingly annoying throat problem happening to me. At one point it almost blocked my entire throat and caused to start choking! To say the least I've decided to get this problom checked out and fix it for good. Hopefully after that happens it will make me feel better. So I have a doctors appointment next week, thats good. Whats also good is that this Friday my family and I are going to see the ACDC concert in Toronto. Thats another impressive concert to add to my list, especially since it sold out in a couple of minutes. So that's going to improove my week over all. Something that desperatly needed to happen.

04:26 pm: 6 Concerts Later
I'll be so relieved when this week is over, that way I'll be able to get some sleep so I can actually function right. For the last week I have been overwhelmed with the stress of performing 6 concerts! The first one was Fine Arts Night at the high school, where my class had to perform as apart of our final mark. For some odd reason helping get everything set up and put away for this event was also apart of our mark. I think it was for participation and team work, but I'm not 100% sure. So because of this I had to stay at school until 8:30pm which to say the least I wasn't to happy about. It was a good night though, our performance was great and some of the other acts were funny also. My favourite was a dramatic scene from the play Vincent, a story about a man suffering with schizophrenia (<-- I love spellcheck right now) Fine Arts Night was on Thursday last week. After that was over and done with I turned my attension on the SCLC (Shelburne Creative Learning Community, the place that I take my voice lessons through) Christmas Concert that I was due to sing in. Since it was a Christmas Concert I had to choose a festive song. In all honesty this wasn't something I was thrilled about. Ever since Shawn died I've taken to loathing Christmas and every part of this so called "happy" season. I'd rather skip this month, this stupid holiday and all the lead up to it, altogether. I know this is a trivial, hopeless thing to want but lately its been the very force behind this wishing, begging if you will, thats kept me getting up every morning. Regardeless, I had to pick a song to sing. So I chose one that was somewhat fitting for me (at least the beginning part of the songs lyrics) called "Where Are You Christmas" by Faith Hill. Just when I thought that everything was at the height of stress I remembered that I had agreed to babysit. So on Saturday Night I made my way to the church, where the show was being held at. My family and my babysittees following. The show was long, filled with little kids doing ballet and playing tiny kiddie instruments. Finally it was my turn and knowing that I was going to be the last person to be singing and the second last performance that night, I decided that I had to make it good. So I sang, feeling pretty confident that I did an alright job. Near the end of the show I got a couple offers from people to join a choir and sing for a bigger audience sometime. Unfortunettly for me the choir only gets a chance to perform on Sundays while I'm at soccer, so I had to politely say that I couldn't join as of this point. The other offer I accepted, so all in all it was a pretty sucessful night. Tuesday, this week, began the high school bands Elementary School Christmas Tour where we got to miss two days of school (yay!) and travel to all the different schools in the area. It was lots of fun, I saw some farmilliar faces and gave out lots of hugs. We also did alot of  "children moching" just because there reactions to being shown the Tuba and hearing the percussion demonstration was so completly and unreasonably hilarious (I do admit though that the percussion demonstration was pretty fantastic, I love how he used every instrument in his reach *snare drum, bass drum, cymbol, cowbell, bongos then WINDCHIME SOLO and RUBBER DUCK*) At 1:00pm today though I'm done!!! I can't even express how much I'm in awe of people who go on the road, performing like this for months. So finally a week, lots of stress and 6 concerts later I may finally get some rest. Amen to that.

04:30 pm: I Got Rocked
Wow, last week was one hell of a week for me. Absolutly overwhelming, exhausting and nonstop! Well, where do I start?? I guess it'd be best to start close to the begining. Sunday after I went to soccer something felt... funny. Not "HAHA" funny but not quite right. So after debating to actually lie down I noticed that I was shivering. I took that as a sign and went to take my temperature. Sure enough I had a bit of a fever, so I lay down for half an hour. The rest of the day was pretty normal. After lying down I felt much better so I did some keep ups, listened to music, danced and basically just had fun. Monday went by without much trouble (other then cursed school which is always annoying). Then Tuesday came around, my busy day. I stayed after school for band which lasted until 5:00 (this wouldn't have been a big deal other then the fact that Music was my last class and because of that I had to play my trombone for 3 hours straight, which made my mouth unreasonably sore... don't take that out of context) then after that I had to go to my voice lessons. By this time I wasn't feeling increaibly great but I didn't pay much attension to that feeling. Wednesday was the busiest day of my entire week. The arts department was going on a field trip down to Toronto to see We Will Rock You! Now I really wasn't feeling good at all. My head hurt a ridiculous amount and I couldn't stop the sinus headaches. But I really wanted to see this play so I sucked it up and went. Man, I'm sure glad that I did. Maybe the bus ride there and back was insanely boring (no matter how hard I tried I couldn't sleep). At least we got to go shopping at the Eaton Center for 3 hours! That was fun. The best part HAD to be the play. It was AMAZING!!!! Everything about it was just unbelievably fun, the lights, the music, even the acting!! I still have Queen stuck in my head. The greatest part was that I was right in the middle of 3rd row! I got to see literally a close up on everything. The actor who did Galileo was such a good singer. The entire cast did Bohemian Rhapsody after the play had ended and I could tell he had such passion for what he was singing. It was such an awesome experiance. Finally when I got home I was so exhausted but sleep didn't come easily for me, just my luck I guess. Anyways Thursday and Friday were hard because I felt so lousy. Finally yesterday I crashed, I was on the couch all day feeling like someone had dropped me on my head. Somehow today I managed to go to soccer and sweating really has seemed to help get rid of some of the stuff in my head. Hopefully it won't go back to the way it was yesterday, that was bad. Literally, I don't know what lazy people do all day. I'd just get SO bored! Anyways I'm hoping that this week won't be as hectic. I did get alot out of last week though and one things for sure, I GOT ROCKED!!

03:27 pm: For Now
My Moms home from the hospital now. She had a enflamed gull bladder and aparently it needs to be surgically removed at some point. So at least we know whats wrong. Now we just have to wait 6 weeks before they can go into surgery. I don't really understand much about it but thats what I was told. So for 6 weeks I'm going to do everything I can to help out. Hopefully my Mom won't have to go back into the hospital until her surgery and as long as she doesn't overdo it, she shouldn't have to. So it looks like we're all in the clear.... for now.

07:27 pm: Fucking hell don't do this to me again!!!!! I don't know what else to do about this. I knew my Mom was had an upset stomach all this week but I didn't think this would happen! Not 10 minutes ago I was going to get my supper when I heard some kind of strange noise coming from the bathroom. Then it shifted to my parents room. I saw my Dad come out and get the phone in the kitchen and when I asked, "Is everything okay?" he just said, "No its not." before disapeering behind my parents bedroom door. I was confused and decided to start getting my supper ready. I got a spoon and before I could get anything else my Dad came back out and put the phone back. I watched my Mom hunkered over in pain, walk out of there room and lean against the couch. My Dad said that the ambulance was coming. There wasn't much I could do. I shooed the animals downstairs and shut the door so that they couldn't get out. My Mom was nearly crying and just saying how something hurt so bad. The ambulance came and they packed her up in there and just drove off. My Dad told me to take care of things and followed the ambulance in his van. God damnit you can't do this to me again! I won't take it!!!