mew_vanilla (mew_vanilla) wrote,

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Bye bye first year

So today is a happy and a sad day. I finished both my final exam and completed my first year of university before noon and have spent the afternoon split between starting to pack up my room and reading outside. I'm actually really sad to leave this place. It's been my home for 8 months and I feel as though I've just started to really get used to everything here. I've made friends who I can hang out with and who I feel comfortable with. I've learned to balance work and play really well. And now it's all gone.
Okay, I know that it's not "all gone", but that's what it feels like, since next year a lot of people aren't coming back to residence and won't even be around any more. It's like the moment I get settled, it's time to literally take off again, and that makes me sad. I know it'll be alright: next year I know a handful of great people who are coming back to residence, I've got my single room already assigned, I'll be a leader on the Student Activities Team, and I'll get to take some awesome classes. So it will be fine. There's just always the worry that I'm going to look back on this year and think that this was the best it ever was in university and that it's all downhill from here. Again, just typing out my feelings here without much of a filter, so much of this is just useless worries that will work itself out.
Then there's coming home. I can't WAIT to see my animals again regularly. I missed them so much! It'll be nice to be able to go for long walks without having to figure out beforehand how on earth I'm going to get back to my res. and which bus I'll need to take to do that. There is one problem though, and it's got me nearly shaking in my boots: a job. I need one. BADLY. I've sent out so many resumes that I can't even count. There are very few places that are looking for seasonal employees, and the few that are hiring for this are being filled by people who have previously worked there or are family members of the full-time workers. I haven't found anyone willing to hire me. In fact, a few jobs that I've applied for and received replies asking me to set up an interview have never gotten back to me after I did just that. It's so frustrating, because if you found someone else, at least have the common curtesy to tell me that so I'm not sitting on the other end waiting and thinking that there's still a chance of being hired. And then there are the people who just say, "well can't you just go back to the grocery store?" No. No, I can't. If I went back then I'd start at the VERY BOTTOM of the list and have to work my way back up again. I'd also be working part-time too, which isn't going to amount to much. By the time I'd be getting anywhere near 20 hours a week (which is half of what I'm looking for), it'll be time for me to go again! My mind just keeps on going over what will happen if I don't get a job. I need that money to go back to school in the fall, or else I'll have to rely entirely on OSAP and I don't want that. I'm terrified that if I can't get hired, my second year will go up in smoke.
The other problem with coming home is my surgery in May. I have been waiting almost a year for this surgery and because there is a recovery time afterwards, I'm going to be down and out for at least a few days. I know that this later starting date is a problem with a lot of potential employers but it's not as if I can do anything about it.
The last thing I'll share is about my friends. While at university I somehow lost track of a few of my closest friends. I know exactly how it happened: I got caught up in my life here at school and slowly just lost touch. I admit, I'm even a little scared now to restart the communication because I feel embarrassed about just completely falling off the radar and not knowing anything anymore. It's stupid of me to feel embarrassed about it, but I do and I need to deal with that if I'm going to reach out again. It's so important to me that I have these people in my life because, even if I haven't done so before, I've thought about them so much over this last year and I miss them so much. So I think that that should be my goal for this summer: reconnect with the people that matter and the people who mean a lot to me.
Overall, I can say that freshman year was a blast. I absolutely love university and cannot wait to come back for second year (I write as I am still here). Bye first year! I'll miss you!


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